George Jetson called. He wants his diet back.

A recent article from the Associated Press takes a look at "nutraceuticals," or junk food with a bunch of vitamins and minerals pumped into it.

A report released Thursday finds that even in a weak economy, people will pay a premium for products seen as preventing a health problem or providing a good alternative to sodas and empty-calorie snacks. The report is from research firm Pricewaterhouse Coopers.

These products include winners and sinners: juices that supply kids with needed calcium, but also candy disguised as granola bars with just a smidgeon of much-ballyhooed nutrients.

The industry calls these products "nutraceuticals" or "functional foods." Critics say they could lead people to consume too much of certain nutrients, plus too many calories and fats.

New York University food scientist Marion Nestle calls them "calorie distractors."

"Functional foods are about marketing, not health," she said. "They delude people into thinking that these things are healthy," and they often eat more than is wise, she said.

I have two things to say. First, "Nestle" is an extremely unfortunately last name to have for a food scientist. Second, I can't stand this kind of food

It all goes back to refined, white flour. The process strips out the germ and bran, and thus the fiber and nutrients, then "enrich" it with vitamins and minerals. Why not just eat the real stuff?

It's just one step closer to a Jetsons-like future where people just need to pop a food pill for all their daily nutritional needs. The only problem is, in our distopian version, the food pill is giant and caramel-filled and we feel compelled to eat them by the box, so we all weigh 400 pounds and our hover cars can't lift us off the ground.

And while I'm on a roll, I'd like to take exception to the "juices that supply kids with needed calcium" comment above. That's a load of hogwash! When, in the history of the United States, have kids had calcium deficiency issues? Certainly not before someone thought of spiking their OJ with minerals. You know why? Because they didn't have constant access to processed junk, so they ate things like broccoli and fish and drank milk, thus getting their calcium from natural sources.

If anything, letting a kid get injected nutrients from highly-processed juice is awful because it teaches that all you need to get through life is jacked-up sugar water. That's fine when you're 9, but wait until you hit 56 and your BMI is 41 because you've lived your entire life on Tropicana and vitamin-enriched Cheetos. Then there's going to be a problem.

You want vitamins and minerals? Eat fresh fruits and veggies. You want omega fatty acids? Eat fish or flax. Seriously.

I don't know about you, but when I buy my first hover car, I'm making sure it'll be able to get me off the ground.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Astro needs a walk on the treadmill.