Bypass Balony!

Welcome back, fellow fitness nerds! I hope y'all had a terrific New Years.

Okay, enough of the niceties. Back to business. The Los Angeles Times ran this article on Sunday discussing how gastric bypass surgery could soon become a standard procedure for the mildly overweight, as well as healthy weight people trying to beat diabetes. Here's the lead:

After spending the majority of her 48 years trying, and failing, to slim down, Veronica Mahaffey was still 50 pounds overweight -- not morbidly obese by a long shot, but still far from the size she wanted. Worried about her health, she called a San Diego weight-loss surgery clinic last spring and asked for help.

She was told no.

At 185 pounds and with a body mass index of 28, the Ramona mother of four was not heavy enough to meet medical guidelines or insurance company qualifications for weight-loss surgery. Those standards require a BMI of 40 or higher, or 35 or higher for people with a related medical problem such as diabetes or sleep apnea.

"People would say, 'You look fine.' But I couldn't get into normal-size clothing. That's not fine," Mahaffey said. "And then I was told I was going to have to gain weight to qualify for surgery. That doesn't make sense."

No, Veronica, what doesn't make sense is that you seem to think that you need your organs stapled together in order to be healthy. Gastric bypass surgery is, in my opinion, an abomination. I've had very close friends get the procedure with ugly, ugly results. It's just not natural to have your stomach reduced to the size of a walnut.

Humankind has put men on the moon. We climbed Mount Everest. We defeated Hitler. We surfed Jaws. All through perseverance and force of will. So if you want to lose weight, stop eating so much and exercise.

I know I sound harsh, but I've been there. I've been "weight challenged" and it's no walk in the park staying thin. I struggle every day. The month of December was brutal, but I made it and I'm no better than you, so you can do it too. Buy a workout video. Check out Michael Pollan's new tome of profound nutritional wisdom Food Rules. Go for a walk. Just nut up and get the job done without mangling your viscera.

Phew. Anyway, happy new year.