The Nordic Diet: Beware of Vikings bearing Cabbage

When I was a kid, Mother used to say, "Never trust a Viking." Ever since, I've always made a point of being wary of fair, bearded, seafaring men bearing axes or large hammers.

Until today. I just read a new study out of Denmark showing that people who follow a traditional Nordic diet tend to live longer. Yes, it's entirely possible that one of the researchers has a brother Sven who owns a large cabbage farm in Northern Jutland, thus causing a conflict of interest, but I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt anyway. From the study:

A healthy Nordic food index, consisting of traditional Nordic food items with expected health-promoting effects (fish, cabbages, rye bread, oatmeal, apples and pears, and root vegetables), was extracted and associated with mortality by Cox proportional hazard models. Mortality rate ratios (MRR) with 95% CI were used to associate the index to mortality. In an adjusted model, a 1-point higher index score was associated with a significantly lower MRR for both men [0.96 (0.92-0.99)] and women [0.96 (0.92-1.00)] (P = 0.03). When the index components were evaluated separately, whole grain rye bread intake was the factor most consistently associated with lower mortality in men.

While I admire the Danes for timing the release of this study to coincide with the new Marvel movie Thor in hopes of causing some sort of Nordic pop culture groundswell, I don't think it's going to work. The problem is, for all the lust and swagger that was the Vikings, it appears that they ate the world's most boring food. Cabbage and rye bread could make us live to be 124-years-old, but health-conscious Americans still wouldn't eat it on a regular basis. "I'll have a Reuben sandwich please, hold all the good parts." Fat chance of that.

In order for us to accept a superfood in this culture, it needs to follow the Rule of the Three E's: exotic, expensive, and easy to exploit. Case in point, this article on CBS.com touting "Six new superfoods," including sykr, teff, cupuaçu, black garlic, chia, and mullberries.

Wait, after reviewing that list, make that the Rule of the Four E's:. exotic, expensive, easy to exploit, and have a name that J.R.R. Tolkien would have given to an elf. "Walk safely into Mordor, Frodo Baggins, for Sykr and Black Garlic shalt guard thine path."

If you haven't figured it out, I'm being a little snarky. In truth, I agree that it's fun to explore new foods. I do it all the time. Once Sykr gets back from casting the Ring into Mount Doom, I fully intend to try a bowl of his namesake yogurt. But I don't think it's going to be some magic cure-all that'll cure my arthritis and give me a six-pack. This Nordic study shows us that there are tons of great, cheap, universally-accessible foods to try. So tomorrow, take a break for the $5 acai berry smoothie and try a bowl of oatmeal with some apples in it. If you just don't have a Viking palate, throw a little cinnamon and honey in there. It'll be our secret.

Not so bad, huh? This Viking thing might take off after all. I hear their latest study involves pillaging small coastal villages as a method of stress-relief. I can't wait to try that one. I'm already sourcing horned helmets on eBay! Who's got a longship I can borrow?