Chicken McThrowdown!

Okay, I know I should probably write about this new study showing that abdominal fat increases mortality rates, but as I look it over, two words come to mind: BORING!

Hey, scientist guys, we get it, okay? It's bad to have a gut. They've been releasing studies like this for years, so the world of nutritional science should take my lead and move on to more interesting topics, such as pondering what brand of crack Melodi Dushane was smoking when she flew into a rage at a Toledo McDonald's drive-thru because they wouldn't serve her McNuggets for breakfast. Check this security feed out:



Slow-building tension, brutal set-pieces, bloody climax. It's like watching a Clint Eastwood movie, only Clint has better hair. The poor slob who pulls up afterwards is pretty great too, especially the way he hesitantly takes his bag o' fatty death from the nonchalant employee who had dodged a serious whoopin' seconds earlier and is now acting as though violent cat-fights with insane customers are in her job description.

Another thing I really love is that Dushane blew her gasket over Chicken McNuggets, something a federal judge once referred to as "a McFranksteinian creation of various elements not utilized by the home cook." In his book Omnivore's Dilemma, Michel Pollan goes into great detail about said nuggets, including this passage about the ingredients:

Of the thirty-eight ingredients it takes to make a McNugget, I counted thirteen that can be derived from corn: the corn-fed chicken itself; modified cornstarch (to bind the pulverized chicken meat); mono-, tri-, and diglycerides (emulsifiers, which keep the fats and water from seperating); dextrose; lecithin (another emulsifier); chicken broth (to restore some of the flavor that processing leaches out); yellow corn flour and more modified cornstarch (for the batter); corn starch (a filler); vegetable shortening; partially hydrogenated corn oil; and citric acid as a preservative.

He then outlines some of the synthetic ingredients in McNuggets, including sodium aluminum phosphate, dimethylpolysiloxene (a known mutagen - and a flammable one at that), and tertiary butylhydroquinone, which is a form of butane that can "help preserve freshness."

So, um, anyway, remember that dig I made a few paragraphs ago about what kind of crack she was smoking? I think we just figured it out. Apparently, she was just another junkie looking for a fix.